Just speak up!
I don't understand why can't people just speak up, when there's a problem? Ya ya, they all have the right to go into their resepective shells, but does that mean, you should treat people according to your whims?? Its different, if you are the usual isolated types, when people just don't bug you even if you assume that quiet nature. But, if you are the social-chirpy-bubbly types, and you suddenly appear like a sanyasan and cut off, what is the rest of the world supposed to do? Don't ask me to turn a blind eye and deaf ears! It works as long as the person is not in front of you. But, the moment you see the person face-to-face, you want to shake that person up and ask him to vent it out,once for all!!! Don't let your face speak up for you. I can't read that. Tell me in plain words, whats bothering you. I might be in a position to help you or I might just stay away. I won't ask you 105674 times, if there's a problem. But, I am concerned, coz you are my friend. Please, dont move around as if the entire world's "weight"is on your two tiny shoulders:O What is the use of language, when you can't express? What are friends for, when you can't share your load? |
some words scribbled by Rays Of Sun at 6:23 PM
Comments on "Just speak up!"
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Thanu said ... (6:36 PM) :
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Sayesha said ... (7:59 PM) :
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Anonymous said ... (9:08 PM) :
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Rays Of Sun said ... (9:24 PM) :
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Anonymous said ... (9:42 PM) :
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Anonymous said ... (9:44 PM) :
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Anonymous said ... (11:12 PM) :
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RP said ... (12:19 AM) :
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Nandya said ... (1:02 AM) :
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Ar Ar Ar Arrrrr said ... (1:24 AM) :
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Ar Ar Ar Arrrrr said ... (1:24 AM) :
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Ar Ar Ar Arrrrr said ... (1:24 AM) :
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Anonymous said ... (6:06 AM) :
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Kaala Kavva said ... (11:38 AM) :
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jeenu said ... (3:43 PM) :
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Kroopa Shah (Kr00pz) said ... (3:45 PM) :
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Rays Of Sun said ... (5:53 PM) :
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PuNeEt said ... (12:47 AM) :
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Anonymous said ... (11:13 PM) :
So you were saying....Maybe it is something too personal. You shud respect the person's choice of not sharing. Because u care u asked once and he/she didn't wanna say. I think u shud let it go.
I agree with Thanu and Viks. You can't force someone to open up if they don't want to. Respect their right to remain silent, and understand them, is all I say. If our friends won't understand our silences, who wil? :)
I dont totally agree with the comments above. If u have a very close relationship with a person, it might actually be better if u gently persuade them to talk it out to u. There can be situations when someone actually doesnt want to talk about it at first, but actually feels much better after speaking their minds. Depending on the situation, they may not always explicitly ask for help when the need arises...Its not an easy situation...
#Thanu,
No! its nor about the respect, girl! when you see the person talking formally to everyone else, somethings definitely wrong!
#Viks,
Nobody really asks for help, in general. If you are in trouble, will you just go and blurt it out one fine day??
#Sash,
These are uncomfortable silences, dear..:(You can let the person be..if its an acquaintance, whose talking/non talking doesnt affect your well-being.
#Prashanth!
Welcome to my "Life".
Thats exactly my point. I tried talking to the friend, but that did not work out. When one says, everything is OK, still you see that something is amiss, its time to reach out. Maybe the person wants the space, but then a space for more than 10 days??
BTW, looks like you are from "Nandya's Department".
Keep visiting:)
This respect for the persons wish to remain silent...I have come to realize...needs to be taken with a pinch of salt...especially because..in my estimation it is more of a Western value...and although one might think that the person really wants to be left alone...it may not be true...especially if the person is from India. Personally...I have found that asking the person to speak has always helped...you need to try to get to it head on...you can try more subtle ways to get the person to talk!
What I meant was that you need NOT try to get to it head on...but try more subtle ways.
I can empathize with u totally. Ur comment gives me a kinda deja vu. U r talking about 10 days...i can quote months (or year/s if i stretch it a bit) as the time ppl might need for 'space'...Use ur instinct and act, and hope that person comes out of it soon.
In fact, though i read quite a few blogs, i never bother to comment/write my own blog. But i couldnt help it this time...
ROS,
Every of your statements are agreed. Accepted. But, believe me, ppl are silent (sometimes) not bcoz they are not ready to tell it out. They just want to be silent. Sometimes silence hurts. Sometimes it heals. And these are the times it heals. But I agree with you that they should not show it to others that they are disturbed. It somehow makes others feel more concerned & sometimes responsible too.
talking to somebody.....REALLY HELPS.....she may be thinking its her PROBLEM...and she herself has to deal with it...then fine....but everybody needs to vent at somebody and if u think u can be there to goad her to tell her and help her share the issue at hand....then go ahead and really pester her....and tell her to open up to u and most IMPORTANTLY make it COMFORTABLE for her to open up......but if u think she really wants to be left alone then dont push it....
all the best....
but once again....U CANNOT help everybody...and once in a while it helps to think that its really not ur problem...and distance urself ..
Don't let your face speak up for you.
I'm a kind of guy who prefers keeping everything with myself...rather than speaking out with anyone...I might mention it on ma blog or something, but talking...just not possible.
What is the use of language, when you can't express?
See its like...few people want to keep things with themselves rather than speaking out. Not everyone likes to speak out right?
Yes, there are friends who are always there to hear your heart out and I belive thts the best thing to do too....you have probs...speak it out...it helps a lot.
What are friends for, when you can't share your load?
Yup!!
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I feel it is not a B&W answer when such a thing happens. Yes, I have seen that some people "come out with it" when gently prodded, and others really, and seriously, do not want to talk about it. That certainly, is to be respected. Do you read a conviction in their voice when they say "I don't want to discuss it", or do they sound hesitant? It helps to notice that..
I think girls can share (mostly) more easily I feel. But guys are likely to be private and keep the really deep, emotional stuff in. But overall, one can't generalize. The context matters, the personality matters, the kind of relationship matters (whether guy or girl). Sometimes, we FEEL we are close to a person, but can we say for SURE whether THEY feel close to us? Additionally, some things are just more private in nature. We cant help but feel down, but we can't discuss it. Yes, people say they are "fine", because they don't want others, and most importantly, themselves, to feel "worse" by re-inforcing how they are feeling and invite questions they might not be ready for answering. So, a person can have different reasons for remaining quiet.
I understand ROS, it IS frustrating to "wait", but unfortunately that is what we have to do sometimes. Just let them know you are really there for them, and be open yourself, without "expecting" anything. When it's time, and they feel ready, they might come out and tell you. Or, they might never tell you. It's really their life and their choice, and close friendship still doesn't mean people owe each other every single detail.
Just my own opinion..
P.S: Didn't realize the length :P
:-)) Sorry
Its not good be to an extrovert. A little distance is always good.
hey ros
i agree with thanu
u can take the horse to the pond but u cant make it drink the water..
i think when the person is ready she/he will def come and talk to you about it..until then u have to wait..hard as that might be..
cheers
jeenu
LOL, the person you talk of sounds like me :-P
I don't know why I am like that though. Sometimes all I thnk is- To hell with the world. I'll do what I want. Who cares!?!?
Guys!
Thank you for your input. It made a lot of sense. Just like how Z said, its good to maintain some distance.
I concur!
Maybe with time, I will either get used to the silence or maybe things will get clearer.
I will just wait and be there in a passive sense and I am making sure that I am being there!
ooye hoye...
kya hogaya tujhe...
sab theek hain na...
U knw even I use that silence as my weapon... it works...
it works more than words...
sometimes u dont need anyone...
u dont need any explanation and u dont want any sympathy...
its just a phase...a rough phase...
nd a passing one...
give the other person the space he wants...
Yes it frustrates if ur on the receving end... bt attimes "Time" comes out with best solution...
Nice Post dear
Cheers
Best regards from NY! » » »