Of changes and adaptation

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France They say, change is the only thing that remains constant in life. Thats the eternal truth. But, how many of us are actually open to accept changes without having second thoughts about it? Be it a change for good and even if it is something that we have always looked forward to. Sometimes, the change occurs within ourselves and we find it difficult to find a completely different person from before. And you look at yourself in the mirror and find a new you and you know it. I am such a person, who wants change and went the change actually occurs, I think back that whether the change is for good! I am not talking about small day to day changes, but events that might change your life completely. You know, when you have the innate "Fear of stranger". I have lived in the same city and same house with the same neigbors and grew up with the same friends for 22 years before embarking on a journey so long. I wanted to try something new. Wanted to enjoy a life away from the cozy warmth of home and warm embrace of family. In fact, I booked my flight tickets 20 days before the classes were to start. The moment I boarded the flight, I realized that it was a change that I was not looking forward to. Skeptical about new friends, new place and new country. Eagerly awaiting a new future, yet apprehensive about accepting this drastic change. Life changes at the drop of a hat and more quickly than the rate at which you sneeze. I sometimes find myself utterly confused as to what I want and my understanding about myself. I like being by myself and guard my independance. In this 25 years of existence, I have sailed comfortably. Being socially active is another thing. But, there are certain times that are "my own" and I shudder at the thought that that time will not be enirely mine and someday maybe I wont get that time! For eg:- Simple changes, such as- When, I was growing up, I had this obsession of reading the morning newspaper the first thing after I wake up along with a steaming cup of tea in my hand. It was more like a religion, coz I practised it diligiently. Even the news paper vendor was cautious of my temper when he did not arrive on time, especially on the weekends. Not having the liberty of reading TOI in US was a big change for me, then. I substituted that by moulding myself by reading the online edition along with a coffee. Even now, I do not open my email unless, I am done with this. I am not a morning person. I generally do not talk to people until the lunch time. After exchanging good mornings, I revert back to making my "to-do"list for the day and opening my email and reading emails. But, the difference, here is I do not reply to them until afternoon. Thats the way, I have always been. My family always understood me and never asked me to talk even if I was at home. Somehow, my sister forgot about it, this time when I went home and when she saw me quiet, she wondered if I was finding it difficult to adjust in India:O The question here is: Someone might not be able to understand this. This behavior is normal for me, but others might interpret as moody? I was extremely used to talking to a friend of mine R, for almost more than an hour every night in India. We had fun filled conversations and not a moment of sadness. The phone would ring at wierd hours at 1:00 AM-2:00 AM. When she would ask "Kya re moti, so gayee kya?" I found it extremely difficult in the initial stages when I would try to save money and not make those regular phone calls to India. Listening to her voice every night was not an everyday affair now. Now, she is married and it goes without saying that it did not happen this time when I went to India. Same might apply to others, who are so used to sharing those conversations which may sound mundane, but it hits you when you are not able to have those conversations again. For as long as I remember, I have always put myself to sleep by reading a book. In the initial stages of life, it was Enid Blyton, comics, Panchatantra. It was a change to start reading some serious stuff later on. In the teenage years, I also tried reading female magazines. Finally, I resorted to reading "Ayn Rand" and Philosophy stuff and alternating between any good book be it fiction, spirituality etc. Now, I think its been a month that I have read a good book and put myself to sleep. These days, reading a good book has been replaced by reading Journal papers and abstracts. I do feel stagnated. The only time, I find myself comfortable is when I go to Barnes & Nobles on a friday evening. I so do not wish to give up on that. Those few hours in B&N are entirely mine. I have read "The Alchemist" in a period of one month at B&N:)). In the future, it might be replaced by something else. I am not complaining about anything. We eventually adapt to situations. We mould ourselves that way. Willingly or unwillingly. Most of the times, we do not have an option. Either ways it is fine. Both the states are OK. The problem is the transition phase, which is the hardest. According to me, thats the most confusing phase in one's life.