Hands that comfort

I hate to leave my blogs on sad note, so this is something that I just read somewhere and thought it was the nicest things, I have heard in a long time! "Do u know y GOD created gaps between our fingers? so that somebody can hold our hands, fill the gaps AND be with us FOREVER!!" Jagjit Singh, immortalizes the thought by these words "Haath chute bhi to rishte nahin chora karte waqt ki shaakh se lamhe nahin tora karte" Which means "It does not matter if physical bonds break, the memories are everlasting" When I first came to this Country , no wonder there was a culture shock. And one amongst that was seeing couples kiss openly. Of course! I did see quite a lot of things in Bombay but also saw policemen chasing away those poor lovers cuddled up on the beach. Sorry for the digression:P But, on of the ocassions, me and one of my Amroo friends were walking and we saw a couple holding hands casually and walking. Though, it was a normal sight to see, but there was something really special about that. Thats when she said " Americans dont mind kissing, we do it all the time, but when you see a guy holding his girl's hands in that manner, it surely means that it is not just one of those transient affairs" I was amazed at that revelation. And it only made sense after that. Many a times, it is not even the remarkable chemistry that is evident amongst the couple, but you can tell a lot about the relationship just the way they hold each other. A kiss can be misleading, and might signify passion and sometimes people do it without thinking much. But, when was the last time you actually held hands like that?? It signifies a bonding. An invisible thread that binds two people. It is not just between lovers but even amongst friends. We all never receive Oscars everyday, but everyone of us deserves an award in form a a friendly hug or a peck:) I do not recollect a time in a long time now when someone has held my hands saying "Its all going to be OK":) Guess thats what makes it so precious, coz you dont get it everyday! Yet again, a short post! '

A sad day of this year

Today had a relaxing day after a long time. Actually, my blogs have become more of a personal journal, I guess coz it doesnt' matter if people have something to comment or not. Its actually my words echoing in space! I have no capacity to rake hidden reservoirs of previous memories coz I guess the present itself keeps me focussed. Well, anyways, a sad news kept me awake the whole of last night. Thankfully, I have this friend of mine [The 4 AM kinda friend as refered to by Sayesha]. Just when I looked at my watch, I was wondering whom to call, coz it was almost close the dawn of Sunday. Just then, I got an SMS from him and it made the night easier for me to bear. Sometimes, I wonder at the power of friendship. Some people are just there when you need them and at times people are never there when you need them. Moreso, why I believe it is so important for one to have a friend who has seen you grow up! So today, I decided to let it go for a while. Finished up my assignment last night and did not work on my paper or any studies the whole of sunday. After all, there is no need to pretend that you can work when your mind is wandering in the meadows. Its almost like wearing a California sweatshirt in Nebraska and thinking that you are warm! You know you got to bear it. Thats when I thought, let me get back to my life. Have turned my back for a long time. Draining my energy out. Got into my car and wondered into the city by myself and landed into Barnes & Nobles and somehow as if it was a sign, my eyes fell on a copy of "Bhagvad Gita", just bought that and came home! So beginning saturday, my life is taking a small turn, beginning with watching "Rang de Basanti" and to start off with "Table Tennis" and "Aerobics Training" Guess, to take a leap you have to start off with small baby steps! Anyhow, despite all that efforts to steer back to life, there are people who consciously remind me of having whiled away my time today by doing arbit stuff. Funny, coz I dont need any permission to take away one day out of my life! Hopefully, I will sustain.

Wishes for the moment

My posts are getting shorter and shorter, day by day! Currently, my wishes include: A happy dawn of 4th March An amazing vacation to Florida 300$ for Coldplay Concert The weather remains just how it is now, for the rest of winter Time to learn new recipes [This wish intensifies every time, I talk to Thanu] To learn how to relax. As in completely. A state where your mind is completely devoid of clutter. Tried meditating, but even then never experienced complete freedom from thoughts!

Promise broken

Small post: I break my resolve. Just yesterday I said I wont blog and today am here venting it out. Work work and more work! Paper due-End of this month Another proposal due:15th feb Seminar: 3rd March Assignment due: Already over. Asked for an extension Pathetic statistics class. Yuck! at 5:30-7:00. Damn! How I hate Maths and its clan. To compound the problem. Ordered this book from amazon.com [Annotated instructors edition, so I can get to the answer by hook or by crook] and they said its out of stock! Damn! My prof was nice enough to let me borrow his book. Went to his office. He:"Dont worry you will be fine" You look like a serious student!! WHAT! OK! that saves me! Me:I would like to think so too. But, appearances are deceptive, Prof! He: You must be hard working too.. OMG!!OK! What a misconception! Me: I try! Him: I have to yet meet an Indian student who ain't hardworking! You guys always make better than B+. How much did you make in Stats-1 last year? Me:A Him: See, dint I tell you?? I have high expectations from you! Damn him! how expecations can kill:O

Hibernation!

ROS is taking yet another break from blogging! Yeh bechaari kaam ke boj ke maree.. Have to finish writing my manuscript which is long due! Anyhow, guys shall miss ya all. Until the, Shhhh..:)

The sixth sense.

An individual is blessed with 5 common senses, as we all know: Sight Hearing Taste Touch Smell Apart from that there is another sense.yeay yeay the sixth sense..usually ignored by common people or rather shunned! There is a term in Neurology which is called as "Proprioception"which in crude terms means how one can sense the external environment and make decisions based on those stimuli! It is generally employed to determine how you can keep your body under control and to keep a check on each part of the body. This is no sermon on science or anything but to get to my topic. I have been tempted to write bout it based on numerous incidences in my life. I know I lack in common sense but I guess God has found a way to compensate that by providing me with the sixth sense which is stronger than any other sense I use to judge. Some have called it as "intuition" some have even called it "psychic" Oh whatever it is called. For me its my 'Judgmenet tool" I am no god to know everything before hand. But, I am blessed coz I have this ability that has helped me from making decisions that I would otherwise make. I know, all the other 5 senses of mine have guided me wrong many times. Sometimes "What you see is not what is the truth' "What you hear is not always right" 'Tastes can be masked' "Some touches can be misguiding' "Smells can be misleading' But, you have to make a decision somewhere. You dont want to not give it a fair shot. Your senses are no more capable of making the decision that seems right. At that time, I resort to my "gut feeling" I know, if at any point of time when nothing seems to be working, there are thousands of conflicts and numerous doubts. But, if there is this 'inner voice" that tells me to do something, I usually never ignore that. Your brain and your heart sometimes, do not act in concert. Atleast mine doesnt. I somehow feel despite numerous conflicts my intuitions never guide me wrong. They are like my "guiding lights" who reflect the path where I want to walk. Sometimes, this very ability makes me do the most unexpected and connects me with people who are close to me. On n number of times, it has happened...when I have dropped of that much needed email to a friend who wanted to hear from me, or make that fone call just when someone needed me' In real life: These gut feelings help me to extend that hand of friendship to someone and made me talk to that person in the first instance. You just know. Who is right for you and who isn't. Sayesha refers to this as "view from atop her ghoda" [view from atop her horse]. Maybe its a guessing game. Guessing about people and the vibes that they give you. It can be wrong, no doubt about it. It can make you commmit mistakes. But, it even helps you assume responsibility for your actions. It might be regarded as totally nonsensical. For whatever reason, it helps me predict few things for myself and whats more, I trust myself to make those decisions. Right or wrong I don't know but decisions that are right at that instant. If something doesn't seem right (or seems little off) it probably was never right to start off with.

A dream of its kind

I am convinced that I can do the most unimaginable things! Few days back I had a dream (nothing special about that) but this time! I actually remembered the dream. Not the sequence. But the character. And this time the poor victim was Jagan! And am glad it was him. Anyone else would have considered me to be insane! Jagan was supercool about that and in fact its only since then that we started interacting. We never commented on each other's blog before! It turned out that I posted a comment on Jagan's blog that day after I saw the dream and he came back and commented on my blog. Later, I just emailed him this! In the unedited form. Hey Jagan! I know, you dont know me and I dont know you:) but the strange thing was that "I saw a person named Jagan in my dream today"! I have no clue but thats why I commented on your blog today. hehhehehe I know am wierd..and my dreams are more wierd than I!! So chill!!! This is what Jagan replies: Thts kinda weird ..how am iIsupposed to react ? I have been laughing since i read this mail .so took quite some time to reply :) .na ..no offense meant .read on ... and i will tell u something more weird , I saw a Tamil movie (few days back ) called " "manmadhan " , in which the actress gets raped by the hero(she has never seen him before ) in her dreams and the very next day she meets him .and now u tell me this dream of urs .....thts the reason y I am laughing like crazy right now :)) . neways ....gr8 to see ur mail ..it kinda really made my day :) Jagan So by this time, both of us were laughing our guts off and I wrote this: Hahaha Jagan! You know what..I am known as a joke killer..but I really laughed a lot:p You dont have to react ...somethings are just meant to be heard and forgotten. I have no friend by the name of Jagan and know nobody by that name! Its indeed a fortune that I remembered this dream and the name Jagan! other than that, I dont remember anything about the dream:)) Dont worry!! I am known to act silly! I also dont think I would have told you if you wouldnt have commented on my blog:p Quite impulsive that way, just came to my mind and I shot it without thinking how an unknown person would react to it! Well, atleast it gave you a reason to smile! We all need one:) Take care!! I think the emails say it all! Sometimes, by doing something you surprise yourself and others too. Who knows by expressing yourself, you might make a friend, that you otherwise wouldn't! And I am glad that I shot that email coz of which Jagan gave me a reason to smile today. Thats why this post!! I am glad that my friends like me coz I am crazy! So go ahead and do whatever crazy things you want to do. You never get a second life to do that:)

Partners in rhyme

I consider myself to be an absolute imperfect person and here I have been tagged by Gangadhar to list 8 different points in my perfect lover. I would just delete the "perfect"part from it:) It doesnt hurt to live in utopia once in a while. Where else can you expect an ideal world, except in blogs:D OK! so now ROS is just going to refer to her database and enlist just 8 of the most important aspects that she expects in her"purrrffeecctt lover".. Space and Independance: Hmmm, this goes on top of priority list. I guess each one of us wish to retire into that haven within ourselves, from time to time. I dont know how many of them consider this to be important, but for me, it is important to get detached in order to remain attached.There will be times, when I just wouldn't answer the phone or reply to an email. It is not coz I am angry or dont care much, but coz this is the time when I am connecting with myself and figuring out myself! Mutual respect: Very Very important. If there is no respect, then there is no love. And if there is no love, well then there is no point in being together. Respect for each others feelings and people. For eg: He may not like my friends, but should not have a problem in my socializing with them. Similarly, I wouldn't mind him hanging out with his friends whom I-don't-quite-like! Couples who play together, stay together: As much as you need something of your own to do, I believe that a common ground needs to be present. Pursuing activities such as skating, a bicycle ride on a sunny day. Can anything be more precious than that? Spending quality time with someone whom you love! I might not be interested in many sports, but teach me and I will play with you! Big surprises come in small packages: In short, someone who appreciates the finer things that life has to offer. Just like I do. Small day to day events that bring profound happiness. A small gesture that makes you appreciate the very person. World Traveller: This is the punch! If given an opportunity and the money, I would go to an exotic place every once in a while. However, I dont foresee that as a possibility. But, would absolutely love to embark on a road trip every once in a while. Be in mountains, or the hills. But, he must love driving:D I can give him company on the passenger side:P Accepting: Someone who accepts that people err. Someone who does not remind you of the mistakes that you have committed. One who accepts that a girl can have equally close guy friends, but it does not mean that she has a romantic inclination towards them. Who accepts that every guy friend need not be a boyfriend or a brother. Likewise, I would'nt be a suspecting and a nagging person:) Its not the altitude but the attitude: Attitudes do matter. Wait a minute! not about himself and who walks in the world thinking it belongs to him, but about others. Who would treat others the way he expects to be treated. A secure person who would be convinced that the reason I am with him is coz I chose him over others and that I would not get carried away. This attitude, according to me helps in establishing trust. Lastly, a person who makes me comfortable so that I would look forward to spending time with him rather than away from him. And a reason for me to fall in love with him all over again:) One of my dearest blog friends had once told me "Naye rishte banane ke liye puraane rishte nahin todte? Waise hi, ek couple banne ke liye apni individuality nahin chhodte" [Just like how you dont sever off old ties to form new bonds, similarly in order to make a couple, you should not forego your individuality"] I think in the end two people might be great people but you may or not form a great relationship:) P.S:-The above quote was made by "Sayesha". I think she deserves to be mentioned. Since Keshi and many others (who am sure will notice that;)) will applaud for that and I don't deserve that:P Now tagging duties, Hmm..I got to tag 8 people! So, let me think! Here is a list and I would be happy if they oblige! 1. Aria 2.Phoenix 3.Sudeep 4.Ujwal 5.Jeenu 6.Pradyot 7. Samelife 8.Nitin

Following your footsteps

Today, I dropped off my car at the Mechanic's place in the morning. After work, I was heading home. Rather, in the morning itself I had requested a friend of mine to give me a ride back home. In the evening. Just like everyday, I started walking towards the parking lot. It was quite late in the evening and the parking lot was almost empty. Except for few cars parked in quite few distance from each other. Huh! I actually called my friend frantically saying I cannot locate my car! Little did I realize that I did not have my car today. And she told me so. Dumb me!! Anyhow, sometimes you are not quite engrossed in deep thoughts, but coz of being habituated you end up following your footsteps. & sometimes you are looking for something that you will probably never find!

100 posts and countless thoughts

!!!!!!!MY 100th POST!!!!!! Did not realize that so much time has passed. So here I am, summing up all that I have learnt in these 3 months on blogspot. Starting from my first post on blogspot. Previously, I was yet another blogger on a different site, livejournal where, I maintained a journal for my eyes only. No comments. No networking. Nobody knew who "Raysofsun" was. I happened to come across Sayesha's blog one fine day on rediff here on August 25th. I started reading her blogs everyday after that. I have not missed even a single post on Sayeshaz after that. But, chose to remain an anonymous blogger for a long time on Sayeshaz. Until the day when Vi noticed me and I was tempted to make an account on blogspot. So here I am. For those of who, who are new to "My Life"and who would want to know about all the crazy thoughts that engulf my mind, I have provided links to some of my posts. I have learned much over this time. About the name of my blog and why it is called "Musings of Life" Much about myself, through this, this About my philosophy, through this, this About coincidences through: this, this and this About my crushes through: this About my friends through:this In no way, I consider my writing to be anywhere closer to being called as poetic or artistic. But all I can say is its been a journey and I hope some of you have atleast known something about me through these 100 posts. I might have come across as being cheerful, impulsive, emotional, sad at times, ecstasic in other times. I have thoroughly enjoyed blogging. When I started writing, there were some people who thought that this is yet another way where singles meet each other online so that they can meet each other offline. It sounded ridiculous to me at first and I defended myself. But then, who cares what others think. Each one for his own. For me, this is the only platform, where my life is like an open book with few missing pages and where my thoughts are unleashed. Where I have met exceptional people and made some really good friends whom I wish to meet at some point of time. Atleast now, the rather anonymous me is known by different names:- Sunshine girl, ROS, raysofsun. In whatever form, I hope you do not have a reason to say that you do not like being a part of "Musings of Life" [P.S:- Suddenly the string of thoughts have been broken by rather irritating scenario which is going to make the 10st post a rather crib-laden post]

Books, Books Books...

Have you ever experienced that your mind is getting screwed up looking for one answer?? I have a simple rule: When in doubt, go to the bookstore. I used to watch this program "Bournvita Quiz Contest" on Zee TV sunday afternoons. The title track of the program was something that went like this--- "The questions come they chase each other, its a one place where my search can end, where everything I want to know is there....Books books books...A book is your best friend" There are no questions that are not answered by a book (almost) Even then, sometimes, the most complex questions are sometimes explained beautifully and the most appropriate manner through Children's books and cartoons. I was in Barnes and Nobles in the evening today. Usually, I have a set pattern. I first go to the "Bestsellers"section, followed by "Bargain Price"section just browsing through books that I can buy which are dirt cheap:)) Later, I skim through the "New in Paperback"section where I generally look for "Catchy titles" "Well known authors" or "judge-a-book-by the cover" Somehow, my feet just took me to the kids section and "Humor"section! I am not sure, if all my questions are answered or not, but I do believe that Simpson, Calvin & Hobbes, just rock! and today, a small pocket size books on animals with different captions, just answered few of the questions on my mind, reinforcing my belief that I am a normal girl with normal apprehensions in life:) One thing that struck me about that book on animals had an interesting thing to say Falling in love is like a kiss, no two people do it the same way:) There are no fixed protocols. No formulae. None can make a rule that fits everyone alike.

Festival Trivia

14th Jan marks to festival of "Makar Sankranti" and "Pongal" Here is a trivia about me. Though, I am a Maharashtrian by birth and its my mother tongue as well. My parents originally grew up in the South. Thats why, I consider "Pol-bhaji"and "Rasam-Sambar" both as my staple diet:D Having said that, this was the only festival that we celebrated in both ways. Most because, I love "Pongal"[A delicacy, made out of rice and dal] And "Tilgul"[Sesame laddos] equally. Somehow, saying 'Tilgul ghya ani god god bola"[Which means, take this laddos and converse sweetly with me] assumed an entirely different dimension. When, I was in the 4th standard, there was this girl Harsha in my class. She had an older sister who was in the same class as my elder sister. They were not in very good terms in school and somehow me and Harsha were influenced by the not-so-good-relationship between my sister and hers. So even, we did not try on being friends. One fine day, she came up to me with this tilgul and said those words to me. I dont know, but since then we became friends. Some times, some festivals just act as a cement. Anyhow, that was that! For me, each festival means something that I try to relate to some events that have changed my life. For one Sankranti, follows my sister's birthday on 13th, so it called for two celebrations. Anyhow, just some trivia about this festival, I guess people might already know, but out of that one thing I just read yesterday was, 1. Its the only Hindu festival which falls on the same date every year. 2. About color black which is supposed to be not-so-auspicious color: I don't know how much of this is true. But, the thinking is that, married women are not allowed to wear any attire that has the color black, on any festival. But, this is the only festival, when a married woman is presented with a "Black saree" for her first Sankranti after marriage! The reason, I remember this very well is coz of my sister, as always:) When mom did not allow us to wear black clothes on festivals, she would retort back by saying, atleast after marriage, I would have the privelege of wearing a black saree on this day:)) Anyhow, just wanted to share one of experiences!

Friday the 13th

[Some might find the contents of the post very personal and some might actually not care] I looked at the date on computer today at 12:30 PM and was a little surprised. For the first time, I did not have it in my mind that it is my sister's birthday today (13th jan). No, I DID not forget the date but forgot that it was the dawn of 13th! Aahgh! talk about being pre occupied. The only date there's on my mind is 10th jan:( But, I remembered it at the brink of time and made sure that I was the first one to call her. Maybe remembering birthday's is not a big deal. But, to forget someone birthday who is close to me is a sin for me. I do not like the feeling if I forget it. I think we do not always get an opportunity to express our feelings to someone who is close to us but birthdays are just special in many ways. Her friends used to chide her by saying "13 number manhoos number" but she would always say that 13 is her lucky number:)) She proved them all wrong when "Aamir Khan wore that t-shirt numbered 13 in the movie Jo Jeeta Wahi Sikandar and won the cycle race. I have grown to like that movie only coz of that! When I was in school and until my 12th std, I did not have close guy friends. I had good friends, but thats about it, they weren't the ones who would call me or pay me a visit. And my sister rocked in that way coz she had and still has more number of guy friends. Apart from this difference we had a lottttttttt of dissimilarities: Including: 1. She is really girlie girlie and mama's good daughter. Does household chores with lot of enthusiasm. I hate doing that. I do it coz I cant stand sloppiness and there is no one else who will do it for me here:( Even now, I let the dishwasher do it for me as I abhor cleaning utensils. 2. Very well organized in everything. Books: Her notes are all lined up and labeled and stored in seperate folders. Typical Capricorn trait. When I was in school, my books used to get scrolled at the edges. She used a proper marker and highlighter. Whereas, I still use a pen and cannot stand flourescent markers at all. 3. Clothes: I probably cannot maintain clothes well. Though, I buy them, laundry and line them up in closet. My sis is exceptional in that too. Its one experience living with her during that time when I was my lousy best:O Particular features: She arranged clothes in the closet as per their colors and types. When she got married and moved, she still came and did my laundry and here I used to make a call and ask "Tai, where is this dress of mine". She would say "Its in the fourth shelf and third from the bottom":O :O Her clothes are always ironed for the entire week. She exactly knows what she is going to wear for the whole week. I am exactly opposite. I wear clothes according to my mood. Iron in exactly at that time 4.She could never go confront a guy when the rowdies used to come behind her, She used to take me to give them a good talking. I was pretty good at that. I could not stand other guys ogling at her like that! 5. She never cut her hair and when she did that after entering college, my dad did not talk to her for three days. I never grew my hair long. Even now, I have never grown my hair beyond shoulder length. 6. She loved wearing saree and I did not like wearing one until last year. 7. She came back home before evening and I would step out of home after evening. I am kinda amazed at the bond all sister's share. Once someone told me, that amongst two sisters it usually is like a "Sita-Gita" match. and I think, we exactly fit that mould. So many differences that I can still add to that list, nevertheless, we still have so many common attributes. Even now, the greatest joy I get is when people say that I resemble her.

Food, movie masti

The best part about being with a diverse group of friend's is that you learn a lot, about them and about yourself. I am not talking about global diversity but about diversity amongst Indians. I am indeed fortunate that I am getting that kinda opportunity here in US. I am doing stuff that I never did while in India. Maybe thats what makes you appreciate the cultural diversity in our country. For example: I was with three other friends today. Two marathi friends, including me, one gujju babe and other telugu guy. Gujju babe had invited us for dinner and it made me realize that there are so many things that I have not done for a long time and so many things that I did for the first time. Things not done in a long time: Eaten Bhakris (its a marathi dish) its one thing that I have not eaten in like 5 years. Realized that Gujju's call it "Rotla". Eaten to my hearts content that too food cooked and plate ready when you come back home tired. Imagine coming home to a wholesome meal of rotis, kadhi, khichdi and subzi!! Food tastes best when you are hungry as hell. Eaten in a STEEL PLATE! Things done for the first time: I have always felt that I probably do not have any inclination towards learning new languages. Was always amazed at how my sister picked up languages. She can converse fluently in 6 Indian languages. I have been contented talking in Hindi and marathi apart from english. But off late, poor Jagan is being a patient teacher, by teaching me tamil. Ok! I do know few things in tamil but I think if I converse in that, all Tamilians will bury me alive! Also, I am trying to assault Telugu language now! We were watching a telugu movie today and it was the very first movie that I watched in a language that I did not understand. I dont even know the name of the movie but the movie was a refreshing change, though it was bollywoodish! I am not going to go into the details of the movie but it had a famous star 'Trisha' and a guy "Siddharth' First of all, I don't know why the film makers do not apply any logic when they make a movie. The guy is supposed to be studying at a University in London and he wears a T-shirt that says "University of Oklahoma State":O. I am sure even Oklahoma state doesnt know about the fictional existence of this university!! Secondly, the guys father says to his son who left UK to stay in small village for his girl 'How come you are slogging here, leaving all the dollars that I have accumulated for you" Man!! he could have atleast mentioned pounds...and he is a millionaire..who doesnt know in what currency he earns!!! Thirdly, the movie was a telugu remake of our good old hindi "Maine Pyaar Kiya".Chalo, good to know that atleast somebody copies bollywood too:) Neverthless, the movie was fun watching it with friends. Also, have you realized that it is so easy to pick up swear words from any language..for example, I learnt that a monkey is called "Koti"in telugu:)) I know, I wont use it on anybody but this was the only word that I picked up and probably wont forget! Overall, a nice day!! A welcome change...and sometimes, you dont have to understand everything that you do!

Sleep beckons

Aah! finally met my deadline. I know, we all hate that. Some actually enjoy the feeling. In these past couple of days, I have been through hell. Call it, once bitten twice shy. Being extra cautious doesn't really help. Deadlines, induce anxiety and stresses me out, coz irresepective of how well I have planned, I have to sweat it out the night before that. But, I guess we all need a deadline, otherwise, we would be flowing around like a dupatta in wind! Aah! bad analogy..Nevermind! Finally, read it somewhere "I just love deadlines, love the whooshing sound they make, when they go":))) I have come to terms with the fact that since I get tensed anyways, there are just few things and just the right kind of people who can make it all easier. For example: 1. A conference call that will crack you up or a call with a friend talking about absolute nonsensical things, which make so much sense at that time! 2. A friend who can drive down in the middle of night for crisis managment. He/She may not know the nature of your work, but clearly a welcome company to soothe your nerves. 3. Imagine having a company in the department, when the whole place is almost like a "bhoot-bangla" 4. A friend who is well versed with computers. I have realized that I probably need to take classes for "MS WORD for Dummies" . Yeah! laugh at me, but I have had a harrowing time, with "image managment". Those stupid "Align with text, top right, group and ungroup" Sheesh! so many options just add to confusion:)) I swear this computer has inflicted so much agony that I dont even feel like using the Yahoo Messenger now:O 5. Music.........I have couple of CDs that I listen to only during crisis. "Mantra Shakti" is one amongst them and also the melody of Santoor.. 6. A friend to calm you down and give you that much needed hug:) 7. And finally someone to pray for you..dil se:) Hurray! me being taken out for dinner tonite. Forget the outcome. There are few people who still feel that I deserve that:D Tiramisu here I come:)

Hours before the sunrise

At the brink of: Anticipation and Apprehension Hopeful and Hopelessness Deciding and indecision Tearing apart and joining together As how I see my life at this moment!

The Silver Jubilee year of existence

Recently, when I was in India for a month, a wierd thing happened which set of a wave of thoughts in my mind. I was sitting on the computer with my ack turned to the balcony at my sister's house. My sister has this huge connection with all the kiddos, thanks to Aryan who befriends everyone who is 3-4 times his age. She lives on the ground floor and every passer by drops by to wait and say hello to Aryan and can't stop to exclaim how adorable a kid he is! So this 18 year old kid did not know it was me and says "Aunty, Aryan ko mein khelne ke liye leke jaoon"[Aunty, can I take Aryan with me to play] I just turned my back and gave him a puzzled look! [In the mind I was like "Aunty, mat kaho na"] So, here is a brief convo between the kid and me: Me: Kya re, mein kya Aunty lagtee hoon kya?? [Do I look like an Aunty to you] Him: You are Aryan's aunty na, isliye meree bhi aunty [In my Mind...What?? Aryan is 3 and you are 18!!!!!!!!!!] Him: Waise aap aunty nahi lagtee. lekin aap Roshni aunty ke sister ho na. isliye I called you aunty. [You dont look like an Aunty, but you are Roshni Aunty's sister na, thats why] The kid wouldnt budge from calling me aunty and I would not accept it either. Me: BTW, Roshni aunty also doesnt look like an aunty. And what exactly is your criteria of addressing someone as Aunty?? Him: One who has a kid!!! Me: But, I am not even married!!!!!!!!!!!!! Him: Lekin you are doing your PhD na???????? I realized that there was no point in talking to a kid about it. He was stubborn and would not yield to the fact. But, I was just wondering about the notions people bear in mind. And it has all to do with age. Especially, in India. The moment a girl has a kid, she is automatically labeled as "Aunty" or if she is married, then she is close to being called as "Aunty" or "Behenji" or better still 'bhabhi" For unmarried girls like me, who are 25 and who still dont have a licence to flaunt, people are generally confused as to how to address you as. Most of the times, didi works. But, if she [read, me] has an older sister who has a kid, there is an identification crisis. The age 25 is a golden year of a girl's life. Err!!basically, there is a confusion here..if she is a girl or a woman!! No! these are not my thoughts but I am echoing the thoughts of people including my married friends. Basically, in India marriageble age is anywhere from 22-26/27 and 25 is the middle ground, when you are married with a nice 27 year old handsome guy and it is projected that you will have your first kid when you are 27 and the next kid before you turn 30. It is set if you step your foot on the wrong side of 25, then everyone including the bajowalii aunty, kelewali aunty, kaamwali bai start wondering why you are not yet married. So there is this kaamwali bai who asked my Mausi in marathi. This bai knows me since I was a kid. "Baby cha lagna ka nahi karat" [Why aren't you getting her married]{Thank god! atleast for her, I am still a baby} To which my mausi says "Tee ajoon shiktey"[She is still studying] Another unyielding bai says"Vayy jhala ki"[Isnt it her age, already]" Finally, my Mausi just to keep her quiet says " "We are looking, she doesn't like anyone' To which the over enthusiastic bai says "Only if elders find a suitor.Only then children remain happy" I had no intention of changing her traditional thoughts with my revolutionary ideas. So, I left the conversation over there. This is the case of an uneducated person, but later I happened to go to my friend's house. She and me were classmates in B.Pharm and she recently got married to her college sweeteheart. So this friend of mine, R says "Lagna kadhi karnar"[When are you going to get married] Ohhh!! Not again!!!! Me: Lets see. Not in another 2 years. She: Mhataree jhalyavar lagna karnar??!!![You will get married when you get old?] [In my mind, WHAT!!! I will be 27 for God's sake after 2 years! But, I just say "Did not know that the difference between youth and old age was just 2 years! She went on to explain, how things should happen at their "specified time" and how difficult it gets later on! Thankfully, her husband did not second that thought!:O Now, I do not know..in which Veda or hindu mythology it is written that a girl is supposed to be married at so and so time! Who makes such rules which do not take into consideration any exceptions? Who makes common norms and rules that is supposed to fit all?? Anyhow,I think the post has become longer than whatT I wanted it to be. Wanted to add few more things..Sigh! BTW,finally the kid and I came to a consensus that he will call me "Aunty didi":O

Of changes and adaptation

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France They say, change is the only thing that remains constant in life. Thats the eternal truth. But, how many of us are actually open to accept changes without having second thoughts about it? Be it a change for good and even if it is something that we have always looked forward to. Sometimes, the change occurs within ourselves and we find it difficult to find a completely different person from before. And you look at yourself in the mirror and find a new you and you know it. I am such a person, who wants change and went the change actually occurs, I think back that whether the change is for good! I am not talking about small day to day changes, but events that might change your life completely. You know, when you have the innate "Fear of stranger". I have lived in the same city and same house with the same neigbors and grew up with the same friends for 22 years before embarking on a journey so long. I wanted to try something new. Wanted to enjoy a life away from the cozy warmth of home and warm embrace of family. In fact, I booked my flight tickets 20 days before the classes were to start. The moment I boarded the flight, I realized that it was a change that I was not looking forward to. Skeptical about new friends, new place and new country. Eagerly awaiting a new future, yet apprehensive about accepting this drastic change. Life changes at the drop of a hat and more quickly than the rate at which you sneeze. I sometimes find myself utterly confused as to what I want and my understanding about myself. I like being by myself and guard my independance. In this 25 years of existence, I have sailed comfortably. Being socially active is another thing. But, there are certain times that are "my own" and I shudder at the thought that that time will not be enirely mine and someday maybe I wont get that time! For eg:- Simple changes, such as- When, I was growing up, I had this obsession of reading the morning newspaper the first thing after I wake up along with a steaming cup of tea in my hand. It was more like a religion, coz I practised it diligiently. Even the news paper vendor was cautious of my temper when he did not arrive on time, especially on the weekends. Not having the liberty of reading TOI in US was a big change for me, then. I substituted that by moulding myself by reading the online edition along with a coffee. Even now, I do not open my email unless, I am done with this. I am not a morning person. I generally do not talk to people until the lunch time. After exchanging good mornings, I revert back to making my "to-do"list for the day and opening my email and reading emails. But, the difference, here is I do not reply to them until afternoon. Thats the way, I have always been. My family always understood me and never asked me to talk even if I was at home. Somehow, my sister forgot about it, this time when I went home and when she saw me quiet, she wondered if I was finding it difficult to adjust in India:O The question here is: Someone might not be able to understand this. This behavior is normal for me, but others might interpret as moody? I was extremely used to talking to a friend of mine R, for almost more than an hour every night in India. We had fun filled conversations and not a moment of sadness. The phone would ring at wierd hours at 1:00 AM-2:00 AM. When she would ask "Kya re moti, so gayee kya?" I found it extremely difficult in the initial stages when I would try to save money and not make those regular phone calls to India. Listening to her voice every night was not an everyday affair now. Now, she is married and it goes without saying that it did not happen this time when I went to India. Same might apply to others, who are so used to sharing those conversations which may sound mundane, but it hits you when you are not able to have those conversations again. For as long as I remember, I have always put myself to sleep by reading a book. In the initial stages of life, it was Enid Blyton, comics, Panchatantra. It was a change to start reading some serious stuff later on. In the teenage years, I also tried reading female magazines. Finally, I resorted to reading "Ayn Rand" and Philosophy stuff and alternating between any good book be it fiction, spirituality etc. Now, I think its been a month that I have read a good book and put myself to sleep. These days, reading a good book has been replaced by reading Journal papers and abstracts. I do feel stagnated. The only time, I find myself comfortable is when I go to Barnes & Nobles on a friday evening. I so do not wish to give up on that. Those few hours in B&N are entirely mine. I have read "The Alchemist" in a period of one month at B&N:)). In the future, it might be replaced by something else. I am not complaining about anything. We eventually adapt to situations. We mould ourselves that way. Willingly or unwillingly. Most of the times, we do not have an option. Either ways it is fine. Both the states are OK. The problem is the transition phase, which is the hardest. According to me, thats the most confusing phase in one's life.